Any thoughts on this guys??!

Imagine if you could treat your life as if it was a fresh seed within the earth, how would you treat your very birth, you have all you need in the world in which we grow, but it is up to us to nurture our thoughts and let our true beauty show, become one who betters the earth and brings smiles all around, instead of an ugly, poisonous weed that destroys any ground. One chance alone is there to show your true beauty,the thing for which you were made and stamped upon you as a duty. Within us all is the ability to shine and create happiness for all who should pass our way. The truth all ways brings forth an honest result and lies deprive the world of trust, if all you do is lie to all, you may as well be dust. Refrain from constantly looking within and forgetting, the world around, with all its needs, the world rejects the selfish soul,  when enmity it breeds! Make your life one which, all would like to share, nurture your soul, and teach your self to care. When you take from the world then be sure to give  in return, for if all you do is take, surely, disgrace is what you shall earn. Your seed of life has been planted and daily does it grow, its up to you to guide its direction and let your beauty show.

How long can a man travel this lonely road to insanity? At what point will he realise the depth of his vanity? At what point will we start to make changes and be some thing in life? Will it be upon the pain of death, that we know we were wrong? Too late is the hour of death for change, look to the future now and work to be strong! Our thoughts and feelings, now we must rearange! For the past is gone, and the futere is unsure, so work hard each day to make yr heart pure. Be strong my brothers and sisters of addiction, be strong and hold your head up high, make changes now before life passes you by, its only as hard as we want to make it, be true to your selves and your addiction, and eventualy you will break it. best wishes, david simpson.

This is a regular occurance of how my money is managed. I borrow on my word and my monies get paid into the account, I withdraw the funds and pay my debts….

This time I have given my word to a friend that really could’nt afford to lend me the money, but I convinced him and was sincere that I would pay him back today and to my horror have now discovered after trying to release funds that monies have not reached the account…

What do I do!?

Avoid him?

Lie?

I decide to call him and let him know the truth… Well sort of.

I call him and let him know that the money has not reached my account (that was the truth) , but not to worry because I would sort it out (that was the sort of).

This is the stress that I awake to on a regular daily basis; chasing my own tail and spending most of my time worrying about how I can maintain the little trust I have with many of my few friends.

A dependency on class A drugs leave me a constant daze of living life on promises that are broken on a regular daily basis, and people, my friends I should say surley must think that I don’t care; I got what I wanted but the truth is that they don’t see, or feel the dissapointment that I have for myself every time I break my word…

Its not a lie, not that I haven’t in the past lied to get recked; but still I have been duped into giving a promise on the hope that other events will run as they should.

When will I realise, when will I remember the pain that I give to myself and others when I commit, enter these verbal contracts.

So off I go now, trying to fix yesterdays list of promises, yet to probably create my pain and misery for tomorrow!

Hopefully writing this will help me to lock in somewhere upstairs, that before I enter another verbal contract with my friends, that nothing is certain and that with little material possesions left that nobody wins when I’m “Breaking my word”.

You probably know by now why this is the craziest story you have heard too, you may even be laughing at the stupidity of it, let me tell yu my freinds, the fisher men who were watching this disasterous event unfold, along side a twelve year old girl, and the police , ambulance and fire sevice who had to race to save my life and watch a man drowning in the middle of the lake, were not amused at all! Neither was i while i was watching my life end on a stupid alcohol fueled, idiotic prank, after only a few swimming lessons with our freind mike at dhi, i am thankful he taught me to tread water or i would probably be dead now, he was right i am a fast learner, i treaded hard that day! The fisher men had there torches on me from different directions, my dear freind who had bad legs had to sprint around to the other side of the lake to strip in preperation for pulling me from the bottom, it traumatised him quite bad and i am truely sorry for that john!!!!  After twenty five minutes i managed to crawle upon the bank at the other side and sputter out loads of water, then collapsed upon my face on the floor, my freind said that i was only out for 30 seconds but it seemed like five minutes, then i got up and they took me to the police,ambulance, in the meantime he had to run to the gate to stop the fire men from cutting the chains, they were dressed in scuber gear and bringing a boat to fish me off of the bottom! The police through me straight into the black maria, and began interogating me, for a short while i was disorientated and creid like a baby (it was not a pretty site) they were abusing me for my behavour and firing questions at me, when i couldnt remember my adress they said “oh thats a coinsidence”  I started becoming stressed and anniod and told them i had just spent twenty five minutes drowning and swallowed half the lake and they wanted me to remember my fucking address, the ambulence lady got anniod with them and told them she needed me in the ambulance for oxygen, the officer was right, i had placed other peoples lives at risk too and cost the poor tax payers money and caused all kinds of problems, i just wish he could have chose a better moment to tell me. I refused to go  to the hospital because i had to leave john and all the fishing equipment, two female officers who were also there came to see me the next morning, they were worried about how i was, it wasnt possible for me to get off of the lake, and the balif  had(reluctently) decided to let me stay over night, rhe officers came back later that day and gave me a lift home to highworth, bless em they were real concerned.

For a few days i was laughing and joking about it all, but it was serious as hell, i had to go befor a commitee to face my punishment for jumping in the lake, it was possible that they would ban drinking at the side of the lake and maybe even ban night fishing, i would of angered and alienated thousands of fisher men in one go, they banned me for life from a large amount of lakes in swindon, that is not the main concern in all of this though, my main concern is the fact that i had caused trouble for so many and nearly died through my stupidity!  Its hard for people to beleive that it was anything but a failed attempt at suicide, because i dont swim well and it was dark and cold, i dont drink large amounts of cider normaly or large amounts of any alcohol for that matter, its like i was proving a point and had turned into super man in an instant, and it wasnt even super strength cider either, four ltrs was enough to bring out the fool within me though! I hadnt drank for five weeks and was in therapy, told my self i couldnt get into any trouble having a few bevvys at the side of the lake, i think i need a lot more than therapy, need a head test!!!!!!!!!!! I am in scotland at the moment enjoying time with kids n family, i appreciate things more now, i hope i dont ever take life for granted agan and that i can leave the mad man booze alone, see yu all soon, duncan  goodu

Has had it up to HERE!! (and I am short.. so it didn’t take long..) Jobcenter people a bunch of IMBECILES. Maybe if you lot switch that little button ON, looked at your little screens and try just that little bit harder then maybe just maybe you could tell me the F**K**G problem!!!!!! grrr Stop wasting my freaking time!!!! You bunch of mean people!!!

And the bus drivers no better. Do you really think that I will spend £5.10 to Swindon bus station just to get my £0.40 just because you couldn’t give it to me as you didn’t have any change. Was is that all about?!

And to top it all up I have stomach ache and cold coming up… =(

Trapped inside conviction, paralysed by fears

The memories of previous, run around my mind

Looking at the life, I’m trying to leave behind

The poison in my system, eats me alive

The powders, the liquids on depression they thrive

Evil incarnate, the devils dust

A crime to others, daily life to us

Breaking the cycle, murdering monotony

Letting loose demons, bad feeling spewing out of me

Twisted in pain, the anguish inside

Saving face, these feelings I must hide

Getting over addiction, squashing necessity

An incredible task, laid out in front of me.

Its time to change, alter my life

Become a fuller person, life without strife

It’s not going to be easy, changing perspectives,

Past thoughts and feelings, those people I’ve rejected

Becoming clean, surviving abuse

Its time to live for myself, without chemical use

It’s been hard, difficult and full of struggle

A better life ahead for me

I am free